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Recently I've reviewed a lot of first questions, late questions, and low-quality questions from the ubiquitous user###### class of users — people who use the Stack Exchange app on their cell phone during a bored moment on a bus to find an (apparently) random question on any of the SE sites and then swoop in with the usual 1-line low quality answer, never to be seen again. Said people pretty much...

  • Never take the tour,
  • Never visit the help center,
  • Never read the question (answering only the question title),
  • Don't give a hill of steaming decomposing beans about SE culture or etiquette.

It's unfair to suggest that their influence on our site is exhausting because I generally only spend 10-20 minutes a day in the queues, but I've found myself groaning, "oh, man... another putz..." a bit more frequently. This may be because I'm focusing on these types of questions in the queues, but like so many in our world today, I'm willing to blame someone else for my pain.

Is it possible for Glarnak to save us from people who use the Stack Exchange app?

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    $\begingroup$ The great thing is that there is a large enough bank of users on this site that someone will probably put up with these silly contributors and give them the benefit of the doubt, even if you don't. Sometimes I roll through the queue, realize I'm not in a mood to be nice, and just skip all. As AndyD's answer goes, if you don't feel like interacting, then just don't, someone else will take care of the queue. The site got along before you came, and it will likely survive your departure :) $\endgroup$
    – kingledion
    Apr 25, 2018 at 15:07
  • $\begingroup$ Why don't you put that up as an answer @kingledion, so we can vote on it? $\endgroup$
    – JBH
    Apr 25, 2018 at 16:08
  • $\begingroup$ Its basically just AndyD's answer, I just felt like I should chime in to agreeify. $\endgroup$
    – kingledion
    Apr 25, 2018 at 16:25
  • $\begingroup$ Who or what is Glarnak? This? Even that does not help me understand the question... And if Glarnak is fictional, what is your question? $\endgroup$
    – user3106
    May 3, 2018 at 12:51
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    $\begingroup$ @JanDoggen Glarnak is the fictional diety of WB.SE. And the question is looking for any method to help deal with people who use the SE App, which allows people on (e.g.) busses to quickly swoop in, drop a barely relevant poorly formed answer (actually, almost always a comment posted as an answer because the swooper will be new and have rep=1), then swoop out again, never to be seen. It fosters a unique form of bad behavior on Stack Exchange. $\endgroup$
    – JBH
    May 3, 2018 at 13:50

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Nope

Glarnak will immediately be subsumed into the movement to make Stack Exchange more welcoming.

You see, the problem isn't low quality posts. The problem is that we aren't sufficiently welcoming of low quality posts. Since Stack Exchange is dominated by white males and some of those who post "low quality posts" may be female or non-white, our lack of welcome is hurting diversity on the site.

Some of us may believe that more low quality posts are posted by white males than females or non-whites, so a lower focus on quality will just lead to more low quality posts and no more diversity. But what do we know?

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  • $\begingroup$ I read that post last night and found myself chagrined because I've been the victim of SO's caustic environment and then found myself loosing patience here. It was well done bringing that link to this question. $\endgroup$
    – JBH
    Apr 29, 2018 at 1:35
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I kinda think you're putting too much thought and effort into it. Those answers are annoying, but also really simple to deal with.
I see there being two options:

  1. Read the questions one line, roll your eyes, hit delete, move on. If it looks like they at least put a little thought in, maybe put a standard welcome text into a notepad document to be copied and pasted. You should never take longer to try to help them than they took to make the answer in the first place.

  2. Just skip that queue. It's really not worth it. If the answer is that bad someone else will take care of it. Just let it go. It's just not something worth stressing about.

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Glarnak is not almighty - banning the StackExchange App won't stop crap from being posted

There will still be user##### that don't give a damn and come in from the normal website for example. It's not the Apps fault that people don't like reading rules. And sometimes people who start posting crap evolve to become valuable contributors in the long run.

Try a few canned comments

Canned comments sometimes look very much like a bot just wrote something, which is why I try to slightly vary them from time to time, but you might want to have a look at some discussion that give you some templates, such as Repository of useful pro-forma comments or Are there any rules or a specific format for “Welcome to WorldBuilding!” comments? (Disclosure: this is my post). Or look at this GitHub Repo.

There is even a StackApp that you can use to help you that is called AutoReviewComments - Pro-forma comments for SE.

Just copy-paste them and maybe change the name or so and you are good to go. The more you feel like the OP actually tried and simply failed because of how different StackExchange is compared to other forums the more you might want to adapt such comments to give useful and specific advice that is specifically geared towards their case.

(Of course there are also a couple of canned comments in the normal review UI, but I often don't feel like they are too helpful for a new user and you might want to have some of your own for specific cases that you feel especially exhausting.)

Most people won't respond, most people won't take the tour - but some will do!

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    $\begingroup$ While I completely agree with your answer, please forgive me for stepping a few feet away lest Glarnak the Mighty smite thee for blasphemy. :-) $\endgroup$
    – JBH
    Apr 24, 2018 at 17:31
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    $\begingroup$ @JBH You already mentioned that you completely agree with my answer - it's too late for you now, too ;) $\endgroup$
    – Secespitus
    Apr 24, 2018 at 17:36
  • $\begingroup$ Oh good Glarnak! An oversight in logic and POOF! I'm the next sacrifice on the altar. $\endgroup$
    – JBH
    Apr 24, 2018 at 17:39
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    $\begingroup$ Even Glarnak cannot fix stupid, lazy or ignorant. $\endgroup$
    – James
    Apr 24, 2018 at 18:26

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